Is Your Marriage Poisoning You?

02 Apr Is Your Marriage Poisoning You?

April 2, 2012

Sorry to be so blunt with that question, but for many people, marriage is slowly sapping their internal resources. I know this from many years of counseling and from studying the brain’s neurochemistry.

So, allow me a moment to be technical, because this is important: our brains use “feel-good” neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) to manage daily stress. When our brain requires larger amounts of these chemicals to handle increased stress (as in the case of ongoing marriage difficulty), the ratio of many other brain chemicals becomes upset, creating a chemical imbalance. We begin to feel stress even more acutely because of this, and even more stress results. As a result, a vicious downward cycle occurs, and emotional and physical repercussions can be the result; i.e. physical illness, depression, and anxiety disorders.

In light of this, your marriage relationship can be toxic within your system, emotionally and physically. In the case of any long-term physical illness, it’s important to evaluate the negative factors in our lives causing emotional stress, because these definitely affect our health.

For those who doubt whether or not emotions can affect our physical being, think of the simple bodily act of crying: when a person cries for emotional reasons, is this because someone just poked them in the eye or did something else physical to their eye? No, their emotions within triggered physical mechanisms which resulted in a physical response. Do you get what I’m saying by this? It’s a simple example of how merely experiencing an emotion sparks physical results.

So think about your marriage for a minute. No marriage is perfect, and every marriage will experience its ups and downs. But do you have the sense that your marriage has consistently been difficult for a while, sapping your energy? And especially ask this question if you have an ongoing physical illness or condition. If you and your marriage need help, take action! It’s not going to get better on its own and if you do nothing, it will most likely get worse. What can you do? Here are a few resources:

1. Check out Karla Downing’s website: changemyrelationship.com. Try her 15-day Relationship Challenge and see if it helps you. Karla is a Marriage and Family Therapist and her website includes many helpful resources.
2. Buy “How We Love” by Milan and Kay Yerkovich on Amazon.com. Read the book and do the workbook together with your spouse. Words can’t express how much this approach has helped my husband and me!
3. Seek counseling from a qualified marriage counselor (this has also been personally very helpful). The entire quality of your daily life — and health — is affected by your marriage… and that’s worth spending money on! If your spouse won’t go with you, start by yourself. Often, your spouse will eventually join you.

Without being aware of it, our bodies are continually reacting to emotions such as frustration, irritation, resentment, anxiety, hurt, and grief. We are physiologically responding to these mental and emotional struggles. If we are not proactively doing things to consistently keep ourselves in a “happy and calm place,” the results can be devastating. Don’t wait to take action!

Question: What’s keeping you from taking action if this is an area where you need help?