December 6, 2010

I once heard a speaker say, “If I spend one day with you, I’ll tell you where you’ve anchored your hope.” So, to what am I fastening my hope today?

Some days, it’s a work project I’m looking forward to. Other days, it’s dinner plans at a nice restaurant, or brownies I’ll bake when I get home. Other times, it’s the weekend.

And yet, the times I’m most deeply satisfied are when my mind is wrapped around some aspect of God or His kingdom, and I’m abiding there…When my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations, are focused on loving God and loving people…the two priorities Jesus said are most important.

St. Augustine wrote, “God, you have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless till they find their rest in you.” But when our hearts are not resting in Him, they are restlessly searching for somewhere else to rest. Something else to hope in. Something lesser, trying to achieve happiness, peace, fulfillment, and contentment. But, over time, these lesser things taint us, permeating who we are, making us so much less than God intended.

In my own battle to regain my health, after I had become so desperately debilitated, I found that there were many things I ran to daily, fastening my hope to, trying to get a “fix,” that were slowly poisoning me: unhealthy foods, sugar, a hectic life trying to “achieve.” I had fastened my hope to the wrong things, and my health greatly suffered. As I’ve purified myself of these things, life is so much sweeter, and my health is so much better.

Like David, I can say, “I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your HOPE in the Lord, both now and forevermore.” (Psalm 131:2,3)

So, to what will you fasten your hope today?

 November 8, 2010

This quote by Teresa of Avila in the 1500′s shows that our struggle with God and suffering is nothing new.

One of my spiritual mentors, Amy Carmichael, also wrote about it during the early 20th century. For the last two decades of her life, she was a bedridden invalid, but continued to live in India, where she remained involved in her lifelong work of helping orphans.

She wrote, regarding her illness, “So though through these months acceptance has been a word of liberty and victory and peace to me, it has never meant acquiescence in illness…But it did mean contentment with the unexplained. Neither Job nor Paul ever knew (so far as we know) why prayer for relief was answered as it was…Hardly a life that goes deep but has tragedy somewhere within it…And who can spare from his soul’s hidden history the great words spoken to St. Paul, “My grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness”? Such words lead straight to a land where there is gold, and the gold of that land is good. “Gold – the word recalls Job’s affirmation, ‘When He hath tried me I shall come forth as gold’…The Eastern goldsmith sits on the floor by his crucible. For me, at least, it was not hard to know why the Heavenly Refiner had to sit so long. The heart knows its own dross. Blessed be the love that never wearies, never gives up hope that even in such poor metal He may at last see the reflection of His face. ‘How do you know when it is purified?’ we asked our village goldsmith. ‘When I can see my face in it,’ he answered.” (Rose From Brier by Amy Carmichael, Chapter 3)

Contentment with the unexplained. God hasn’t given us all the information to solve the age-old, anguishing riddle of suffering. There are pieces of the puzzle that won’t be seen in this life. But either He exists, or He doesn’t. And if He does, He is either good and loving, or He isn’t. Either everything that happens passes by His approval, or it doesn’t. The evidence is overwhelmingly convincing on the former side in each case. Somehow His goodness and love and allowance of suffering, all co-exist. We simply haven’t been given all the information in this life to be able to understand.

Perhaps it’s like trying to explain color to someone who can see only black and white. Words fall short. Maybe only in eternity can we comprehend the full answers to the questions of suffering.

Peace came for me only when I accepted the fact that I will not know the complete answers on this side of heaven. The choice before us is clear: either trust in Him with all our heart, not leaning on our own understanding, or don’t. (Proverbs 3:5, 6)

A fellow-pilgrim once said that difficulties either lead a person to become bitter or better. Without a conscious effort, the former automatically takes over. I know from experience and observation that bitterness poisons the container in which it is held.

For me, in the midst of suffering, I have come to this conclusion: How can I not trust this One who I have enjoyed and loved for so many years, who has showered me with good things all my life. I have richly tasted, drunk deeply, of this rare, exotic, incomparable One.

And yet, as C.S. Lewis wrote, “He’s not a tame lion.” But I’ve learned to rest in the integrity of His character–of what I DO know about Him–and this has helped me to reach contentment with the unexplained quandary of why He-being good, kind, and loving-allows suffering.

October 4, 2010

From Break Free, Chapter 1:

“It was dark. A strange darkness. Only 4:30 in the afternoon, and yet clearly, night had fallen.

Our plane was just touching down in Budapest, Hungary on a bleak winter afternoon. And yet, I felt no sense of foreboding about what was to come. Just the opposite. There was only light-hearted anticipation of a new beginning, a fresh life. The five of us were experienced adventurers, eager to explore a new country and existence. Throughout the previous eight years, living and traveling in New Zealand, we had explored remote forests, discovered hidden waterfalls, climbed a majestic glacier. Our three children had been raised on the thrill of experiencing new cultures, and couldn’t wait to dive into this intriguing Eastern European country.

For my husband, John, and I, this move was the culmination of a lifetime of training, preparation, and planning. Here we would live and travel throughout 18 countries with our work.

And yet in the midst of my exhilaration was a growing “presence” I tried to ignore. It began as a barely-noticeable aching months before. I had packed up our household, preparing to move from New Zealand to Hungary, bending and lifting continuously. Over the weeks, my shoulders and arms had started to ache and stiffen, yet we had to move by a certain date.

And so I kept pushing, thinking that when the move was complete, and we were in Hungary, then I would rest and heal. If only I’d known the tremendous price I would pay, pushing myself to move by December. If I had known what these symptoms meant, maybe I could have avoided the darkness that would follow.”

Are you paying a price for pushing too hard? What positive results can you expect from wise management of your personal resources?

“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31

September 20, 2010

Mary Kay!…Mary Kay! Honk Honk!

I was in my house, cleaning my toilet, and just wanted to be done with it.

Honk Honk! Mary Kay! WHO was in front of my house, honking their horn, calling me by the name only my mother used when she was upset?

Putting down the toilet brush, I tromped to the front door, looked out perplexed, then laughed.

It was my dear friend, Jenny, stopping by for a minute to tell me something. Jenny is one of those people whose presence makes you smile in spite of yourself, she’s so warm, funny, and endearing.

“Jenny, what are you doing?!!”

Jenny was stopping by to excitedly tell me about something that had happened at her Bible study that morning. She’d met someone who was struggling with a chronic illness, and told them about my book.

Oh Jenny, I was just scrubbing the toilet, worrying about different things, among them how to effectively get the word out about my the book to those who need it. And now, God brings you, reminding me that ultimately, it’s His responsibility, and He’s working on it.” Jenny went on to say that she was available to help in any way she could to let others know.

I felt so humbled, loved, and cared for…by Jenny AND Jesus. It made me think of Isaiah 65:24: “Before they call, I will answer; while they are still speaking, I will hear.” I had definitely not called to God yet…I’d just let the worries swirl in my mind, in rhythm to the swirl of the toilet brush I’d been using. I, like my toilet, needed a cleansing. I needed the worried thoughts to be cleaned away, so I could be more effective…and pleasant to be around.

And what a kind way to have it happen…with the humor and generosity of a loving friend. But that’s how God is…kind, generous, loving, and even humorous at times. Like when he uses a toilet to teach us a lesson.

August 9, 2010

I love how God speaks to us in the most mundane of circumstances.

I was taking the trash out to the side of our house (definitely mundane!), and as I glanced into the back yard, I literally did a double-take. There, on the telephone wire running behind my house, sat a falcon, majestically holding that proud posture that they do.

I looked more intently, to be sure I was seeing right…a falcon-sighting isn’t a common occurrence in busy Orange County. Then, suddenly, I sensed a familiar nudging, God’s voice within me. He reminded me how, all through my life, in various situations, He has called my attention to birds to remind me that He is with me, overflowing His goodness and favor toward me. A little Matthew 6:26 reverberation: “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

Looking at the falcon, I realized that God was calming me regarding something in particular I was anxious about: all the particulars of publishing a first book. I’ve been getting way too busy and tense in the process. God was reminding me that if He can take care of all the needs of all the birds, even placing a falcon right here in my back yard, He can take care of my book details. I just need to rest in Him.

I love that! I remember when I first came to know God, I was perplexed when I heard people, or the Bible, talk about hearing God’s still small voice. What did it sound like, and how would I differentiate it from my own thoughts, desires, or feelings?

These are legitimate concerns, and people can err on either side of a spectrum: thinking they hear His voice everywhere…or never listening for His voice anywhere. But with time, practice, and experience with the Bible and God Himself, we come to discern what Isaiah talked about: “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21) And James: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)

One of the main problems is getting our attention. C.S. Lewis wrote: “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.”

I’m glad that, this day, He chose the “whisper” method. My encounter with the falcon was definitely a pleasure.